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The Weird Weird World of Alice Cooper

Compiled by: Jodi Summers

How can Alice Cooper ever be normal? His life has been one long splatter movie with angels circling about it.

He grew up as Vincent Furnier. He lived a very comfortable childhood in Detroit and Phoenix, dreaming of ghosts and watching the six-fingered hand of Chiller Theatre rise out of a puddle of molten goop. Being scared was his childhood passion.

Alice/Vincent went to church three times a week because his father and his grandfather were Presbyterian ministers. He was a good son. He was profoundly affected by the movie The Exorcist and God.

He worked as a columnist named Muscles McNasel on his high school paper and dreamed of ways of mixing gore and rock.

He has succeeded. Alice Cooper has turned his life into a PG-rated shock-rock opera. His songs, like the ten that grace his latest release, Raise Your Fist and Yell, are splatter-pop anthems of teenage angst expressed with a Friday the 13th twist... as seedy as vintage Alice. Andhis stage shows, an hour and a half of pure macabre fantasy, feature prostitutes, Frankenstein and Alice's lynching. Alice has fulfilled his dream, created a legend and made his father proud of him.

But for some reason, reality isn't all that different from fantasy for Alice Cooper. His life is a serial of twisted tales. Now, Alice is going to narrate some of his life's momentous events for you. Read on... if you dare...

The Dream

When I was a kid, seven years old, we lived in a house in Detroit where a lady had died. The kids in the neighborhood would always tease us about it. They'd go, "Ohhhhh, you moved into the house where Mrs. Finster died. It's haunted." Because of this, we used to hate doing things like going up into the attic.

I had this dream one night that my sister Nicki and I were watching TV, and I said, "I'm going to get some milk from the kitchen, Nicki. Come with me." And she goes, "You're such a baby. What do you think is going to be in there?" She went with me anyway.

We were at the refrigerator in the kitchen. I looked over, and the cupboard was open. There was a handc in the cupboard! It was the old lady's hand.

I woke up terrified. I couldn't breathe. It really horrified me. I never really got over that dream. I still remember it so vividly, even where the forks and spoons were on the counter.

The Ouija Board Story

I'll tell you about how I got the name Alice Cooper. We were just a local, everyday band with a weird stage show called the Nazz that couldn't even get into the Troubadour for an audition. Then we found out that Todd Rundgren's group was called the Nazz; so we had to change our name.

We were sitting there trying to think up what to call ourselves, and I said, "We need a name like 'Alice Cooper.' I could have said Betty Fernandez or Gloria Smith, but Alice Cooper just came out.

It was a real nice-sounding name, but the band was anything but that. The group was like Clockwork Orange: violence and sexual innuendo. It was so different, that the name Alice Cooper just kind of stuck.

This guy that worked with us, his mother was involved as a medium. He went home that night and said, "Who is Alice Cooper?" She went to her Ouija board and asked it, and it spelled out Vincent Furnier, my name. She didn't even know me. That's very weird.

Spit And Ex-Lax

Frank Zappa's old record label, Straight Records, released my first two records, and for some reason, people think we used to do all these gross things together.

There's one story about Frank and I having the whole front of the audience spit into a bottle, and then challenging each other to drink it.

And there's the Ex-Lax story, which is the same kind of thing. It was supposed to be a shitting contest between Alice Cooper and Frank Zappa.

It was always me and Frank. We never did any of that stuff, but we'd get into a city, and they'd go, "Wow, we heard some awful things about you." What we do onstage is minor compared to some of the things we get accused of.

The Airplane Incident

London is chemically connected to Alice Cooper. Back in the early days of Alice, I was banned from London. The authorities didn't think Alice Cooper was a good influence on society. Of course, because I was banned, the kids started getting really into Alice Cooper. Finally, they let me come over and play somes dates.

I'm on the plane to London. It was a very ordinary flight. I was sitting next to a nice old lady. We talked for a while, then we ate, and she said, "I'm going to take a nap." When we were prepared to land, I tried to wake her up. She wouldn't; so I told the stewardess.

When we got to the airport, a doctor came on, and the woman was pronounced dead. They took her off in a stretcher. There was all this press hanging around to meet me because it was the first time I was coming to London, and when I came off, they asked, "What happened?" I said, "I don't know." And they said, "This guy's for real."

The Stabbing

A couple tours back, I used a rapier sword on stage. At one point in the show, I would stick it in the stage. At one date we were doing a song, and I pushed the rapier down. I realized that I'd put it right through my leg. It went right into my thigh, and it came out the other sided. It was bleeding and everything.

I turned around and showed the band, and they were like, "Oh, Jesus." The audience looked up onstage and thought, "Wow? What's that?How did they do that?" It was great.

There was a puddle of blood, and I'd walk, and the rapier would be sticking out of my leg, vibrating. I was fascinated by what I had done.

Then I clenched my teeth and pulled it out. I didn't feel it. There was so much adrenaline and energy flowing, and I'd been drinking pretty well that night. I'd probably finished a bottle of whiskey before I went onstage; so I was a little numb. I did the rest of the show like it was nothing.

Afterward, I walked offstage and fell right down, because all of a sudden teh adrenaline was gone, I walked off and went, "Aaarrrrugggh!"

The doctor said I was going to have to get a tetanus shot. To me, needles are the worst thing on this planet. I said, "I stabbed myself six inches into my own, personal body, and you're telling me they're going to put a needle in me?" I said, "Forget it." I took a bottle of whiskey and poured it on it. It was like being at the Alamo.

We wrapped it up. The next day I could not walk. It took me half an hour to get up out of bed. I had a cane and the whole thing. When I got ready for the show that night, the pain was gone. After the show, it was, "Agghh!"

The Contestant

On the Madhouse Rock tour, everybody was dressed as doctors because the stage was supposed to be an insane asylum.

For promotion, we had a lookalike contest in Minnesota. They planned to bring the winner backstage. I'd meet this guy, and there would be a big party.

I'm talking to the winner and, all of a sudden, these guys come in with white coats on. I think they're radio station guys, but they come up behind the winner and grab him. Then they say, "It's time to go now."

I think this is great! What a funny bit. He had his friends come in to get him. Then the doctor comes in and tells me this kid has escaped from a mental institution.

He climbed the wall and hitchhiked to a shopping center where there were like 400 people competing in the Alice Cooper look alike contest. And he won! Everybody was giving him all these gifts. They're taking him around in a limo, and he gets to go backstage, where they finally catch up with him.

I couldn't believe it. I asked, "You were in the mental institution this morning? And you escaped?"

He said, "You're my favorite."

And I said, "You got to the mall, and you won the contest?"

He said, "I knew I'd win."

And I looked at everybody and said, "This isn't a put-on, is it?"

So they arrested him and took him back, I asked what he was in for, and they said, "He's out of his mind."

He's one of my favorite people in the world.