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The Girl I love — By Alice

WHEN the most outrageous, ghoulish, horror-rocker of them all tell you he is in love, it is apt to knock you sideways.

But that's what the amazing Alice Cooper says, and in an odd — a very odd — sort of way, I believe him.

Before we go any further, Alice is a fellah. And he wears thick black eye make-up which oozes down his cheeks like a creeping disease.

For stage wear he favours leopard-skin leotards, suspenders and a snake.

He and his band strive to reach the heights of decadence — like mountaineers strive to conquer Everest.

They are supported in their endeavours by millions of young fans who turn every album Alice makes into a million seller back home in America, and every single he makes into a top-tenner here in Britain.

Right now he is in the middle of a mammoth American tour which involves the smashing up of toy babies covered in tomato ketchup, playing with his pet snake and finally losing his head in a mock guillotine on stage.

Bruises

The love of his life, Cindy Lang, will tell you he has thirty-one bruises today after another rough-and-tumble show.

She is a pretty elfin-faced American which bobbed hair the colour of conkers.

And she keeps very much in the background.

She is far too clean and healthy for Alice's sick image.

Mr. Cooper says the lady can't stand his music and simply hates travelling. But, says Alice: "When I'm on tour we call each other three times a day. I think that's really Lord Byron."

Fans will be shocked to hear that ALice and Cindy have been together for an amazing five years.

Need

But I can understand it. I mean, if you get your head chopped off every night you need someone to stick it back on again. As Alice says: "I've got to have some security."

Alice and Cindy met in Detroit where she was meant to teach him to tap-dance.

Instead they bought themselves two bottles of Southern Comfort whisky and went to an all-night movie show.

"It was an awful show, but we got real drunk and it didn't matter. Is that romantic? I think so," says Alice.

And he's been hooked on her ever since.

He says: "I think the more horrible something is, the funnier it is. Cindy is the only person that understands my humour.

"She's the most sought-after lady I know but I feel she's a permanent part of my life.

"She's pretty loyal and she's got terrific bone structure. In ten to fifteen years she'll look just like Katherine Hepburn."

Alice is not looking so hot himself. He has lost 10lb, and gained two broken knuckles and a fractured elbow on his latest tour. The bruises blend with the make-up.

Horror

A final confession is wrung out of him." Alice Cooper isn't romantic. But, off-stage, yes I am."

Mortified, he pounds off to inoculate his hungry audience with a whacking dose of horror which will cause some of them to throw up all over their best friends.

(Orignally published in the Daily Mirror, May 2nd, 1973)