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Shopping with Alice

Rock's man-witch offers sound gift advice

Driving to Melrose Avenue, Los Angeles

FHM: Alice, who are you holiday shopping for today?

AC: The band, the family, my son, my two daughters, Uncle Axl Rose and Rob Zombie. Last year, I got Rob a Wicked Witch of the West cookie jar. He got me a cane with a removable skull on top. You can store stuff inside it. I'm thinking of packing it full of Skittles. Or maybe Pepcid AC. I'll probably get Axl a watch. That's my standby.

FHM: Grandmas are hard to buy for. Any tips?

AC: Vanity license plates are cool. I got this car that looks like Darth Vader's ride, so I got DRTHVDR plates. After that, I bought DESTINY plates for my wife's Hummer. For your grandma, you should get OLDLIKEDRT.

Von Dutch, 7521 Melrose Ave

FHM: See anything you like?

AC: If I bought a Von Dutch hat, I'd look like Ashton Kutcher. I don't know if I'm going for that look. I'm not as hardcore as some other guys.

FHM: How hardcore are you?

AC: I used to think very, but a band in Denmark killed their lead singer and ate him. Two members of the band committed suicide and the other two are in jail. That's hardcore. Maybe I'll get one of these hats for my son.

Wanna Buy a Watch? 7366 Melrose Ave

AC: Buying for Axl is tough. If you're going to get him a watch, it should be nice.

FHM: Which are the nicest?

AC: Chrono Rolexes. This one here is a classic. Yup, $17,000. Now we're into Axl territory.

FHM: You know he'll check the price.

AC: If you're buying for someone who might do that, you want to shock them. The watch shouldn't look so fine. That way, they'll be stunned once they have it appraised. Vintage Rolexes do that every time.

Serious, 7569 Melrose Ave

FHM: Have you found anything for the wife?

AC: Oh, I'm good with the wife. Listen close, we've been together 28 years and I'm still dating her. For Christmas she gets lots of presents, but somewhere in there will be lingerie.

FHM: What kind of lingerie do you buy her?

AC: I get the trashiest piece she'll actually wear. See, that's romance! (JB)

Alice Cooper's album The Eyes of Alice Cooper is out now.