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Alice Cooper

Editor's note: Sometimes journalists are at a loss for words, usually under one of two sets of circumstances. The first is a situation of extreme emotion and deep feeling. The second is relavant here, and consists of bewildement tempered by indifference. Anyway, you deserve some kind of explanation, so here goes—Alice Cooper is a Zappa-sponsored band that recently played a number of times in Michigan. The key word is Zappa, since much of Alice Cooper is pure, good ol' Frank. Phop.

Argus: The first thing I want to ask is do any of you ever get hurt on stage?

Mike Bruce: Hell, yes. l think I broke my elbow tonight.

Alice Cooper: Ask her. She was at our practice the other night and we beat the fuck out of her.

Glen Buxton: What do you mean, her? You kicked me in the fucking head. I was bleeding all over, it was really great. That was just practice, too.

Argus: How does the audience usually react to your violence? Why do you do this?

Glen: Well, if I can't kick and beat someone I don't feel like a man.

Alice: What does America want?

Glen: That's what America's fucking based on.

Alice: Yeah, violence and sex.

Glen: Violence ... and sex. They go hand in hand. Pain leads to pleasure. Oh, spare me my pain!

Alice: Spare me my chickens.

Glen: Yes, spare me my fucking feather-covered grief.

Argus: I think that's kind of...

Glen: I'm going to kill the next chicken I see.

Alice: What?

Glen: They're fucking_idiots, man, they can't dance.

Dennis Dunaway: We saved their lives cause they were gonna be poultry today.

Glen: Yeah, they were gonna be killed today and that's why we bought them in the first place.

Alice: We didn't want them to get hurt, you know, so we thought we'd put them in the act.

Argus: Do you buy them like in every town?

Glen: Yeah, yeah.

Alice: No. This is the first time.

Glen: We buy them in every town but we don't kill them, I mean we don't put them in the act.

Alice: We were going to use them in Mt. Clemens, but we didn't go on until five in the morning so we didn't go on.

Argus: Do you ever run into trouble with the local populous or as Zappa said, 'constabulary', when you do things like this?

Glen: Well, he's got a license to be a butcher.

Alice: That's true. You know, you see, I have a butcher's license.

Glen: So he can...

Neal Smith: What's slaughtering thickens?

Glen: He didn't even slaughter them, though.

Dennis: No listen, the chickens die, anyway, baby, cause I bought them from the store.

Alice: Don't get down on him, he wanted to kill one.

Dennis: Now a couple of people are going to take them back and cook them tomorrow night&mdashl;a dynamite meal. No chickens were killed. It's mostly exaggeration.

Alice: He's with us...

Argus: The people...

Alice: He's on our side.

Argus: Ok. The people... the people... the first thing I didn't realize is that like I probably had some chicken salad last week.

Alice: Ah-h-h-h, yes.

Argus: And people don't realize you know, that they're killed every day... that they don't realize where they come from... I guess... they think that they're synthetic or something.

Alice: Actually what it is doesn't mean much about chickens. It's just like a statement.

Dennis: I was a vegetarian for like a year you know, and I, couldn't dig killing animals.

Argus: Yeah.

Dennis: But if you eat chicken it's no difference.

Argus: That's when it hit me...

Dennis: If you're gonna pay taxes it's worse than killing 5,000 chickens on stage

Argus: The thing that hit me was when the chickens started flying and I said wow what did I have for dinner? I had cheeseburgers.

Dennis: We're having chicken for dinner tomorrow.

Glen: You know, the whole scene is this...

Dennis: Let's get a cow then.

Alice: The thing we were going to do is bring a butcher on stage and have him kill a pig cause that's how they kill them, they hit them with an axe in the head. They do it in the slaughter house, why not do it on stage and make it a statement, you know, cause that's what it would really be—a statement on what you're eating.

Argus: So what you're doing is like bringing like a reality to the stage.

Alice: Sure, well that's one thing but like actually what we're doing... the whole statement on the stage is an un-reality. None of it connects, you know, a lot of people like put that whole thing together and if they can they put a whole big thing from beginning to end and make that into a whole story... a whole thing, you know.

Glen: Somebody stole my pet chicken, man. [falsetto] Years I've spent on that chicken and what do I get—chicken jokes! My chicken's buried, man, some cats copped off with it.

Alice: Or else somebody ate him, you know.

Glen: If they eat that...

Alice: You know people in Korea are starving.

Glen: If they eat Chatsworth they're gonna answer to me, man. Some cats will do that, they just cop on to your chicken like that.

Alice: Face it, someone ate your chicken. Do you have any White Panther buttons I could have?

Argus: We could probably get some.

Debby: Alice, I already gave you one.

Alice: I know, I lost it, I don't know where it is. I think it was on that chicken.

Argus: How is the album doing?

Alice: It's doing well, it's on the survey.

Glen: It's in Acapulco now taking a vacation.

Alice: Yeah, we released it with that movie "Daffy Duck in Argentina ". Have you seen that?

Argus: No, I haven't.

Alice: It's the theme music for "Daffy Duck in Argentina." No, it's not at all, it's an album full of music.

Argus: I was wondering if you run into trouble when you go into towns like Detroit.

Glen: We get beat up.

Alice: Yeah, we get pounded, but that's no different from being on the stage.

Glen: When we get killed, that's trouble. When we're dead, we're in trouble.

Alice: Right!

Glen: Oh-h-h-h, chicken, oh-h-h-h, it's Chatsworth.

Alice: Chatsworth isn't dead!

Argus: Is that his? Is that thrown on the stage?

Alice: What, the chicken?

Argus: Or is it protected?

Alice: They were in a bag. They were in a pillow case. We thought that was sort of symbolic.

Glen: Oh-h-h-h, Chatsworth... goddamn.

Alice: He's ok ... he's ok, isn't he?

Glen: Watch it, they go for the eyes first.

Argus: Have you got him much protected? You never know what's going to happen.

Glen: Well, you know, I've had him for like years.

Alice: He's survived you know. He's survived the whole thing.

Argus: Who takes care of him?

Glen: Well, me, man. I gotta carry him on the airplane.

Alice: You got to take care of your chickens.

Argus: Does he stay in the hotel room?

Alice: Yeah, we get him an extra bed.

Glen: Fuck em. They don't know shit.

Alice: He's a little pissed off...

Glen: Yeah, I kicked him tonight. Did you see me kick him?

Alice: Yeah, that was shitty...

Glen: But you know what he did, he broke into my room1ast night...

Alice: ...and he shit in your mouth, didn't he?

Glen: Yeah. I lost my gum in the cage and I couldn't find my gum. It kept looking like chicken shit.

Alice: I don't want to kill anymore chickens cause they are really nice and peaceful.

Glen: It's not a chicken, it's a rooster.

Alice: This isn't a rooster.

Argus: Weren't these at Mt. Clemens?

Alice: No, we got these here in Detroit. We had six of them in Mt. Clemens and the MCS got two of them.

Glen: Four of them gut sick.

Alice: Four of them took a raincheck.

Argus: You people don't drink do you?

Glen: Sure, man. Drinking is a high.

Alice: It really is.

Glen: Do you know that alcohol is considered a psychedelic?

Argus: I didn't know; I think Ripple wine might do it to you.

Glen: Oh, I've been on that trip...

Argus: Are you cats poor now or are you making good bread?

Alice: Oh, I think I'm relatively poor.

Glen: We live in Watts, you know.

Alice: We can only afford three chickens, we used to be able to afford a whole dozen of them.

Glen: We used to live in Topanga Canyon and him an I used to buy a bottle of Boones Berry Wine. We'd drink it and then walk up the hill. By the time we got there I didn't even know who you were. Who are you by the way?

Argus: Boone's Farm Apple wine is a great local wine.

Alice: Yeah, it's awful, we had blueberry, I got sick.

Glen: You can get blueberry, grape, lime, all that shit. Chatsworth, did you learn your lessons?

Argus: It looks like he's a bit...

Glen: Yeah, he's really uptight.

Alice: You see, the ones that make it are like the Christians that killed the lions, they get to stay with us.

Glen: I've had Chatsworth for four years.

Alice: Chatsworth is a survivor.

Glen: He's got a degree in Political Science. It's time for you to crash, Chatsworth. You have to go to bed without dinner because you didn't do your homework. I'd sure like to go to some kind of basharoonie.

Alice: That's right, but Detroit's so hot.

Glen: Yeah—the women and the dope...

Alice: Not hot physically, but mentally. Detroit is a mentally hot place. Four narcs were back here last night.

Glen: We peeled their skin off...

Alice and Glen [in unison]: ...and rolled them in salt.

Argus: Four narcotics agents?

Alice: Yeah, they were back here.

Argus: They were obvious?

Alice: Yeah, ten-four, you know, Broderick Crawford.

Argus: Do you people have plans to go to Europe?

Alice: I'd like to go to Sweden and have an operation. No, but I do want to go to Sweden and live.

Argus: Are you going to play over in Europe soon or don't you know?

Alice: We might go over with the Mothers, but I don't know. I'd like to.

Argus: When you guys recorded, did you do what you wanted to or did Zappa...

Alice: Yeah, we did it all ourselves, he just gave us the studio and we did it. Like he started to produce it but he gave up. [falsetto] "I don't understand that garbage" and he left in a huff, so we did it.

Argus: In other words, you flipped out Zappa, that's pretty good.

Alice: He's not that flipped out, he still likes Stravinsky.

Argus: Yeah, when he was in town, he was talking about Stockhausen.

Glen: Switched-On Bach. [to Chatsworth] Alright, you can go home and crash. [to Alice] You really fucking upset him.

Alice: Yeah?

Glen: Be careful, he goes for the eyes, man. Roosters are really fierce fighters.

Argus: What do you have to say about Wildman Fisher?

Alice: He should go in debate with William F. Buckley or Gore Vidal and see what happens. Or marry Frank Zappa.

Argus: Alice, do you know what witch you're related to?

Alice: No, which witch? Get it: Which witch?

AC SIX

Glen: I oughtta rap you one.

Argus: I'm supposed to get some gory details about this band.

Alice: Ok, we're all closet queens, and we beat up the MCS once.

Glen: We met them in Watts, man.

Alice: I used to go steady with Paul McCartney until he broke up with me to go with Mick Jagger.

Glen: [British accent] Actually, they were just good friends.

Alice: Glen uses scotch-flavored tooth-paste.

Glen: I lead a hard life, I deserve my scotch-flavored tooth-paste. Chatsworth has been my best fucking buddy for years and he's really a chicken.

Alice: Our act isn't that weird. It's just like television with the sex and violence. The American way.

Glen: Have you ever tried to ball a chicken? This chicken has a bad case of penis-envy. A rooster with penis-envy. Who else would have a rooster with penis-envy?

Alice: Actually we're just mild-mannered pop stars.

Glen: [hitting Alice over the head] Shut your fucking mouth when I'm talking to my chicken!

Argus: What's his name? Can I ask you what your name, sir.

Glen: [falsetto] Chicken jokes, chicken jokes!

Alice: This is Jane Fonda. He played Barbarella. I was the black queen. I had a patch over one eye.

Glen: Actually, I'm Glen Buxton. Hi, mom...

Alice: He's a double Scorpio rebel.

Glen: Triple Scorpio, I've had my fucking chart done.

Argus: Have your parents come to see your concerts?

Alice: Glen, leave me alone for now. My parents are very together. So are his parents.

Glen: His mother and my mother...

Alice.: Yeah, they all have flat-tops.

Glen: They get on the phone together: [falsetto] "The boys are taking LSD again."

Alice: They're fun, too, they make all our dothes.

Glen: They make all our mistakes. [falsetto] "You boys should cut your hair and get a job."

Alice: You know, a good looking boy like you should get a job.

Glen: I should go back to college, make a buck. I have to take Chatsworth back to his coop.

Argus: Have you ever got into a fight on stage and had somebody join in?

Alice: Yeah, we had the Hell's Angels jump in at Saugatuck. It was outasite, about six of them.

Glen: They weren't the Hell's Angels, they were the assholes devils. Those motorcyclists are fucking sadistic.

Alice: They jumped on stage and we jumped off.

Argus: What do you think about motorcycle dudes?

Glen: I challenge any one of them! Don't' print that.

Alice: I think they're a lot of fun.

Argus: A lot of fun?

Alice: I think they should have black bands over their eyes so that nobody can tell who they are when they grow up.

(Originally published in the Ann Arbor Argus, July 29th - August 13th, 1969)